


I, Android

by californianNostalgia



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, androidAU, androidstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-08 08:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8838259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/californianNostalgia/pseuds/californianNostalgia
Summary: In a universe where the Sufferer was an orange-eyed human and a certain fuschia tyrant is nothing but a scary story, four humans embark on a quest to build the ultimate bots in defense against a nigh undefeatable enemy. Upon activation, though, they discover that the "programs" they installed in the androids may not be entirely made out of numbers and other complicated tech shit. Human, troll, and godly shenanigans ensue.





	1. ==> Play: Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a homestuck android AU [comic strip](http://californiannostalgia.tumblr.com/post/154422435153/my-friend-the-frog-everything-is-the-same-except)! Thank you, chofi, for granting the world this beautiful work of art. (And thus began my journey to plotland. Like, whatever. Not like I had anything useful to do with my life anyway.)

**== >You: Be the Client.**

You are the Client.

You are currently sitting in front of a rather small laptop monitor emitting obnoxious rays of light straight into your face. Inconsiderate fucks, monitors are.

**== >Client: Discover hidden jem in your YouTube Recommendations section.**

You’ve been idly surfing the web, bored out of your mind. You know you desperately want something to distract yourself with, probably a piece of good media, but you haven’t the faintest idea as to what it may be.

(You could always try closing your laptop and picking up a book, but you discard the idea as quickly as it came. Who would prefer processing actual written words and making your brain work for it when you can choose to have a mindless sequence of flashing lights shoved in your face for hours at a time? There's really no question.)

But when you’ve refreshed the page called YouTube for the ninth time, hoping for something interesting to pop up even while suspecting it’s a doomed effort, a small square picture holding the logo of your favorite webcomic catches your eye.

(This webcomic’s name is Homestuck. Not many dare to speak the full title out in public for fear of being ambushed by other Homestucks and having the Dreaded Offer whispered in your ear. If you do not know what this Offer is, you are one of the very few fortunate enough to have been graced with ignorance. If this is the case, it is highly recommended that you do not go asking around about this matter. You most certainly do not need to know that this particular one-sentence Offer starts with the words "Let me tell you about" and ends with "Homestuck".)

You read the title of the unknown video. It looks like it’s a fan-composed track. You glance at the number of views, and upon seeing the surprisingly substantial number, determine that this just might be worth your time.

At least, here’s hoping.

**== >Client: Listen to ALPHAMATIC REPLACEMENT.**


	2. Fantrack> Alphamatic Replacement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eames: _They come here to sleep?_  
>  Man: _No. They come here to be woken up._
> 
>   _\- Inception_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the fantrack [Alphamatic Replacement](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEI_jZ4jiOU), which motivated me enough to actually make something out of a half-formed dream of an idea. Give it a try. (God, I love those Alpha kids.)

TG: explain to me again why the fuck these dreams matter so much  
TG: you said robots  
TG: thats it  
TG: that was the deal  
TG: you said nothing about the need for freakyass dreams  
TG: this is not the shit i signed up for  
EB: duh, the dreams are gonna tell us all the stuff we need to know for building the robots!  
EB: i'm surprised you managed to forget, i think that's all rose has been talking about lately.  
GG: its true! the dreams will give us crucial insight for creating the androids :D  
GG: i cant wait to start the programming, im so excited!!!  
TG: and how does lalonde know all this again  
TT: I have my sources.  
TG: if by any chance these sources of yours have anything to do with some sort of weirdass sufferer temple bullshit  
TG: i am done  
TG: so completely done  
TT: Just because I am the High-Priestess-In-Waiting does not mean my Sight comes from Him.  
TT: To be honest I find myself unable to work up the proper enthusiasm for the rituals and the codex and such.  
TT: Surely we can stand to have less than a thousand statues of just four gods in one temple.  
TT: The mandatory morning rounds of visiting and offering prayer to all things carved are the worst, believe me.  
TT: It takes hours, and breakfast gets cold.  
TT: But I digress. No, it is not some weird-ass Sufferer-temple bullshit.  
TG: well  
TG: i guess thats something  
GG: dont worry, dave! were on the right track  
GG: rose has Seen it XD  
TG: again with the S  
TG: why cant you people use normal lowercase letters for normal words  
TG: look its easy just keep your finger off the shift key  
TG: like this  
TG: “seen”  
TG: there look at it  
TG: i am blinded by the sheer practicality this uncapitalized word carries around on its back and the glorious implications shining behind it in a halo that indicates whoever typed this word was most definitely reasonable as fuck  
GG: but it wouldnt be fun without proper capitalization! hehe :)  
TG: i give up  
EB: ehehehe  
EB: strider frustration never ceases to be funny  
TG: fu  
EB: eheheheheheh  
EB: oh shit look at the time!  
EB: welp  
EB: as fun as it is to watch dave rant, it's bedtime for me now.  
EB: see you soon, everybody! i will return with what hopefully will be tales of great dream deeds.  
TT: By all means, Your Highness. You missing your bedtime would be the last thing we could possibly want.  
TG: ahahahahaha wtf  
TG: i thought you dropped that bedtime thing like six months back  
EB: nope!  
TG: dude  
TG: you pestered me at two thirty in the morning thirty three days ago  
TG: i distinctly remember you whining about that stupid bunny movie of yours not getting a sequel  
TG: for like one hour forty seven minutes and nineteen seconds  
EB: okay one, i do not whine. i am the perfect picture of calm.  
EB: and two, how do you even remember all those numbers?  
TG: idk i just do  
TG: maybe the incident was so traumatic i accidentally seared it into my brain  
TG: and now theres no getting rid of this unwanted extra passenger  
GG: awwww poor dave  
TT: My condolences for your sanity.  
TG: thank you all  
EB: yeah, well, about that . . .  
EB: i kind of had a nightmare that night? and since i couldn’t sleep, i figured it wouldn’t hurt to pester someone.  
EB: but that was a one-night thing only! i can safely assure you that i am still a proper boy who abides by his bedtime.  
TT: Oh my. How proper.  
GG: XD  
TG: srsly how old do you think you are  
TG: six  
EB: hey, i'll have you unbelievers know bedtimes are a perfectly logical thing for a thirteen-year-old to have!  
EB: no offense, priestess.  
TT: None taken, Crown Prince. I’m not much of a Believer anyways.  
EB: besides, it’s healthy. i grew four inches only this year!  
GG: WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!????!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg D:  
TT: Jade? Are you all right?  
GG: four inches, rose!!!  
GG: four!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TT: Never mind.  
GG: soooooooo coooooooooooool  
GG: i am so jealous right now  
TG: i expected better from you harley  
GG: what?  
GG: everyones had their growth spurt but me.  
GG: im getting a little desperate here!!!  
TG: you live in the middle of the pacific  
TG: next to a fucking volcano  
TG: why the hell would you be self conscious about height  
GG: just because im all alone here with no one to compare myself to doesnt mean i dont want to be taller! ;P  
GG: besides, im still shorter than beck. i cant believe i havent outgrown him yet :(  
EB: see, strider? bedtimes ARE important!  
TT: Yes, height is obviously of great importance to someone who will one day be the sole ruler over, oh, only about one fourth of this Earth.  
TT: After all, what sane individual would look for political competence in their supreme lord when his extraordinary length is the only assurance of legitimacy they require?  
TT: I see your point now, John. You were right all along. Bedtimes really are crucial to state security.  
TT: And I had the gall to consider myself a Seer. How could I have been so blind?  
TG: TT  
TG: i think you deserve a high five  
TT: Just imagine, a John Egbert sadly lacking in those four inches that you were so recently graced with.  
TT: I think I may start shivering in fear if I continue a moment longer on this dark path that is to contemplate such horrifying possibilities.  
EB: bluh you're both terrible  
TG: this shits solid gold  
EB: you’re just jealous, rose. admit it!  
GG: i know i definitely am :(  
TT: I could do this all day.  
TT: But as silly as I find your claims to be, I must admit it would be a good idea to go to bed early tonight.  
TT: I recommend we all follow John's example.  
TG: what  
TT: Now.  
EB: yes!  
EB: bedtimes for EVERYONE!  
TG: fuck  
GG: well  
GG: i guess were finally doing this!  
GG: this sure is exciting XD  
GG: good night, guys! happy dreaming!!!!  
GG ceased responding to memo.  
EB: ehehe, now dave has a bedtime too.  
EB: my work here is done.  
EB ceased responding to memo.  
TG: thats just low egbert  
TG: so low  
TT: Good night, Dave.  
TG: wait  
TG: lalonde dont you dare  
TT banned TG from responding to memo.

TT closed memo.

 

* * *

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: you do realize that was a dick move  
TG: like the dickiest dick move ever made  
TT: You really should be trying to sleep.  
TG: well maybe i dont wanna sleep tonight  
TG: and before you do anything else, im gonna point out the fact that blocking me wont make me either  
TG: i am capable of keeping myself company for hours and you know it  
TT: Fine.   
TT: Care to provide me with a reason?  
TG: some hella sweet beats are having fucking parties in my head  
TG: i gotta go record these awesome babies straightaway  
TG: put them down in permanent ink before they fly away  
TG: you dont want to be the reason the world was denied music from the supreme god of beats himself now do you  
TG: it would be a fucking tragedy for both man and trollkind   
TG: imagine the tears lalonde imagine the tears  
TT: Ah. I see.  
TT: You are afraid to sleep.  
TG: what  
TG: okay where the fuck did that come from  
TG: which is a baseless accusation by the way wow that certainly was a long leap you took there you should stick to prayers  
TT: I wonder.  
TT: Why are you, of all people, against the Dreaming?  
TT: I thought you wouldn’t mind meteors decimating this world as long as we who call ourselves your friends somehow continue to provide you with an ample supply of mundane topics to rant about every day.  
TG: nice try  
TG: but im not gonna go to sleep just to prove to you i can  
TG: so you can give up your fancy manipulation tactics now  
TT: It was worth a go.  
TT: Why won't you, though?  
TG: give me one good reason that has nothing to do with shitass prophecies  
TT: Hmmm. Let’s see.  
TT: Undecipherable signs from gods trouble my sleep. Oily terrors whisper in my ear. Thus, in the realm of dreams I See all, Am all. I am the sentience that encompasses all life and shadow, both a patron of light and a being of darkness. There is no corner left blind in my perusal, no page unfilled beneath my passing gaze.  
TT: But such Sight is not without price. Mine is a state of continuous struggle, doomed to forever fight for balance on the knife-thin edge that is sanity. The horrors lurk just beneath the waves of my consciousness, waiting for the chance to pull me down into their fold and devour my mind. It is a dangerous gamble to play, and it is one I will inevitably lose.  
TT: So considering my current position as potential resident demon of planet Earth, I believe I am perfectly qualified to decide your bedtime for you.  
TG: ha ha ha  
TG: okay that was actually a pretty good story you came up with there  
TT: Thank you. I hope to write novels someday.  
TT: But really. Why don't you want to go to sleep?  
TG: well  
TG: cause i still dont buy it  
TT: Oh?  
TG: so what you can just predict when were gonna have funky dreams  
TG: and somehow know that its gonna be relevant to the important as fuck robots that were supposed to be making in the near future  
TG: which you also told us about some time ago in equally unspecific and vague as fuck words  
TG: why are your mystic workings always focused on strange shit like dreams and robots  
TG: cant it be on popcorn or something like you shall have the most popped corn when you pop it for precisely three minutes and fourteen seconds  
TT: I don’t understand.  
TT: What’s the popcorn supposed to be a metaphor for?  
TG: forget the fucking corn  
TG: i mean  
TG: what are your sources lalonde  
TG: what if theyre lying  
TG: what if were not supposed to go to sleep tonight okay what if ninja assassins break in and stick their swords through our ribcages as soon as we do  
TG: what if thats what they want  
TG: look all im asking is  
TG: are they reliable  
TG: these sources  
TG: can i trust them not to get me killed  
TG: oh wait i forgot i was talking to rose lalonde of course reliability was thrown out the window by screaming mobsters as soon as it dared to rear its ugly face in public  
TT: Oh, please. Have a little faith.  
TT: I "am" the source.  
TT: And let me tell you, I am the most reliability you are going to get in a long, long time.  
TG: well that was certainly reassuring thanks now im definitely gonna have nightmares  
TG: bye bye sleep nice to have known you  
TT: I know you have misgivings about this whole thing, but I must impress upon you that it is imperative you fall asleep.  
TT: You may get up to whatever silly shenanigans you'd like come sunrise, but you need to sleep tonight.  
TG: silly shenanigans  
TG: what do you take me for woman  
TG: i am serious as fuck  
TG: that is me  
TG: all serious  
TT: Just go to sleep, Strider.  
TG: yeah right so i can have fucked up dreams  
TG: is that what you want  
TT: Yes. That is exactly what I want.  
TG: im just about jumping up and down in joyful anticipation here  
TT: The dreams won't harm you.  
TT: They will be important, yes. I fear we may miss something pivotal if we do not have these dreams tonight.  
TT: But they will just be dreams. Nothing more.  
TG: so no assassins  
TT: No assassins.  
TT: And if by some remote chance we are indeed murdered in our sleep by certain masked assassins dressed snappily in black, I give you permission to hassle me about it for the rest of our afterlives.  
TG: all right then  
TG: if you say so  
TG: time to hit the hay like the cool motherfucker i am i guess  
TG: night rose  
TT: Goodnight, Dave.  
TT: Sweet dreams.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

* * *

 

ectoBiologist [EB] opened memo "so that happened".

EB: welp!  
EB: dreams suck.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] began responding to memo.  
TT: I apologize. I had no idea it would be this . . . graphic.  
EB: heh, no kidding.  
gardenGnostics [GG] began responding to memo.  
GG: yeah, that sure wasnt a nice stroll through dreamland! :(  
GG: and if THATS what were up against . . .  
GG: well, id better up and get programming!  
GG: it looks like this little robotics project might have higher stakes than we realized.  
GG: we had better pull this off right the first time around, and FAST.  
TT: Agreed.  
EB: so . . . that thing with the seatroll.  
EB: (or whatever the hell it was. i didn't know trolls could get that kind of color!)  
EB: we all dreamed about it?  
TT: The very event.  
TT: Though from different perspectives for some reason, according to you and Jade.  
TT: Dave has yet to contact me, but I think it would be safe to assume that his experiences were the same.  
GG: you mean he hasnt contacted you already?  
GG: i thought, since he wasnt here, hed at least have messaged you in private . . .  
TT: Nothing. Not a word.  
EB: that’s highly suspicious.  
TT: Yes, I know. Not like him at all.  
GG: yeah thats  
GG: thats  
GG: huh   
GG: wait a minute . . . . . . .  
GG: oh no.  
GG: oh nononononononoooooooooo  
EB: jade?  
TT: What's wrong?  
GG: just  
GG: if we all dreamed the same dream, but each from a different point of view . . .  
GG: doesnt that mean that dave must have dreamed from . . .  
GG: HIS pov?  
TT: Oh.  
EB: holy.  
TT: Shit.  
TT ceased responding to memo.

 

* * *

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave.  
TT: Strider, come in.  
TT: Dave, are you all right?  
TT: Are you awake yet?  
TT: All right. I apologize for promising you that there would be no Sufferer bullshit. Obviously I have never been more wrong.  
TT: There. I have went and admitted to a fault of mine.  
TT: This is where you jump in and start rubbing it in my face, preferably with some profanities and a wide array of poorly concocted metaphors enough to shock even Egbert into submission.  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Goddammit Strider answer me.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is not online! --

TT: Fuck.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: not dead  
TG: dont get your hypothetical knickers in a twist

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave?  
TT: Oh my god Strider don’t you dare end off on an ominously ambiguous message comprised only of two lines and leave me hanging here like Cliff Hanger hanging from a cliff.

 

* * *

 

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

AA: hello  
TT: Hello, stranger.  
TT: That is quite an unusual text color of choice. Is that burgundy?  
AA: yes it is 0u0  
TT: Ah. Then a piece of advice before I block you in favor of more urgent matters at hand.  
TT: It is to my knowledge that only Her Imperial Evanescence may use that particular color.  
TT: I suggest you find a different color to claim as your own before the Imperial Guards storm down your door.  
AA: thank you for your concern but that wont be necessary  
TT: Oh? Do you by any chance have anti-Drone wardings around your home?  
TT: Do tell me the magic formula.  
AA: well first of all we trolls prefer the word hive  
AA: and no i dont have anti drone wardings though that certainly is an entertaining idea!  
TT: Then may I ask where this unfounded confidence is coming from?  
AA: certainly  
AA: i dont have to worry about using this color because I am her  
TT: Pardon?  
AA: i am her imperial evanescence  
AA: pleasure to meet you at last priestess elect  
TT: Oh, my.  
TT: Where are my manners. Apologies, Your Evanescence.  
AA: thats all right!  
TT: But I am afraid there must have been a mistake.  
TT: I am no Priestess.  
TT: I am Troll Michael Jordan 2.0.  
TT: Good day.  
AA: wait!!!  
AA: fine you dont have to believe me  
AA: but you do need us  
TT: How so?  
TT: And why do you refer to yourself in plural? I was not aware of the existence of Troll pluralis majestatis.  
AA: well of course there is no troll royal we  
AA: i call us us because there are more than one of us who are both capable and willing to help you!  
AA: i thought that would be obvious  
AA: and anyway  
AA: how else were you planning to create functioning soulbots from scratch without our help?  
AA: oops should probably avoid using that word  
TT: Such baseless accusations. Perhaps now is the moment to gently remind you that accusing a Priestess of heresy without sufficient proof is enough for a beheading.  
TT: Out of a self-depreciating sort of curiosity, though, what do you mean by avoid using "that" word?  
AA: you mean the s word?  
AA: its a sensitive term is all  
AA: and no need to pretend like you have no idea what im talking about   
AA: we have no intentions of telling on anyone  
AA: on the contrary  
AA: we honestly want to help you prepare for her  
TT: Do you understand the words you are typing, or is that too much to process for a being of such infinitesimal intelligence?  
AA: i understand why you would be wary but theres no need to be quite so rude! 0_0  
AA: you know very well who im talking about  
TT: Enlighten me.  
AA: fine then  
AA: even though im not supposed to even think about this  
AA: since youre being so stubborn i guess i am left with no choice  
AA: her  
AA: the fuschia witch  
AA: the empress old  
AA: the real life terror that overnight became a mere children's bedtime tale  
AA: ring any bells?  
TT: That's still very vague. I have not the slightest inkling what you are leading to.  
AA: you really are difficult to convince  
AA: i hope you appreciate my efforts someday  
AA: sollux will probably send his bees after me when he finds out about this but  
AA: here goes  
AA: her most common title  
AA: and later the most obscured  
AA: was  
AA: condesce  
TT: . . .  
AA: are you satisfied now?  
TT: Surprisingly, yes.  
TT: So you know.  
AA: we all know  
AA: us twelve  
AA: we remember  
TT: Twelve?   
TT: That's quite a number.  
AA: it may seem so at first but pretty soon you find yourself able to remember everyones names off the top of your head  
AA: they grow on you  
TT: You said you "remember". Do you mean dreams?  
AA: more like memories  
TT: A stranger's?  
AA: no  
AA: theyre definitely ours  
TT: You know that's impossible. How could you have memory of history that was written thousands of years ago?  
TT: And speaking of impossible occurrences, how did you know my chum handle? How did you know I would know about this?  
AA: its true that there are stories to be told  
AA: and there are a lot of stories to be honest  
AA: but theyre for another time   
AA: for now lets start by concentrating on more urgent matters at hand shall we  
AA: we have a lot of ground to cover   
AA: best get busy as soon as we can  
AA: dont you agree?   
AA: lady seer :)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explanation time! The chat client used in this universe is a mashup of Pesterchum and Trollian, which is basically an excuse for doing with these logs whatever the hell I want with them because I'm lazy.
> 
> Feel free to ask questions on [my tumblr account](http://californiannostalgia.tumblr.com).


	3. ==> Play Vol. 1: Heirs Transparent

**== > Client: Sit there in awe.**

Whoa. That was—really good. It's a sheet of subtle melancholy over a persistent beat, culminating in some epic music that makes your chest clench in what feels close to nostalgia. You are suddenly reminded of all the reasons why you loved Homestuck in the first place.

You want more.

**== > Client: Want more.**

You know just the thing you need. You remember buying a set of special-edition Homestuck albums a while back, each CD nestled neatly in illustrated plastic casings. A collection of the coolest tracks from Homestuck, according to the advertisements. To be honest, you just bought them because of the album covers. Absolutely _gorgeous_. (Also because you wanted to buy something Homestucky to prove your dedication to the fandom, but wasn’t sure you had the courage to pull off one of those multicolored Homestuck leggings.)

You’ve never actually played any of them. Why bother figuring out how to use such primitive mediums as the likes of CDs when you can go to Homestuck’s bandcamp page any time and listen to whatever track you want? (Except when you’ve played an album too many times and the site starts pressuring you into paying for their music by not letting you listen for free. In which case you resort to YouTube playlists and learn to live with annoying ads about hairspray and shit.)

But suddenly you find yourself caught up in a mood of unreasonable obsessiveness. You want to hold those discs in your hands. You want to _feel_ their realness. You think you might explode from frustration if you don’t start listening to those CDs in the next few minutes.

It’s kind of like one of those times when you just _have_ to read that specific passage from that fanfic again, or you _have_ to find that fan-made video tribute for that TV show and watch it one more time. You feel quite willing to scour every inch of the mess that is your room if it means finding those CDs. The pure need of it is overwhelming.

You try to recall when you last saw those CDs. You remember reverently peeling back the vinyl packaging. You remember examining the colorful art on the covers in great detail. You remember holding them aloft and feeling proud of your brand loyalty.

You don’t remember where you put them, though.

With a dramatic groan, you push off from your desk and stand up for the first time in hours. Your back’s feeling a little stiff, so you give it a stretch. You crack your neck for good measure. Then you turn to survey your room.

 . . . Wow. This is . . . wow. How long have you been living like this?

Oh, well. Those CDs have gotta be here somewhere.

Outside your window the world is draped in darkness, suffocatingly silent in its slumber, but you will not be deterred. You have always moved when the world would not, and it is not something you plan on changing anytime soon.

You square your shoulders and prepare to  
_**Okay I think I’ve suffered enough.**_  
What  
**_I’ve been waiting and waiting and WAITING for you to stop talking about make-belief CDs_**  
wtf are you doing in my  
_**but when I finally realized you wouldn’t be stopping this boring monologue anytime soon**_  
Uh, haha, um. It appears a small error has come up in the systems, resulting in some unforeseen technical difficulties.  
_**I knew my duty was to save these poor people from more of your useless premise-building**_  
Let me check that out real quick, I’ll be right back.

**== > Client: Be the Server.**

NONONONONONO Don’t be the Server _I’m_ the Server you’re the _Client_

Why on earth did I do that hang on

**== > Client: Search for those CDs while the Server gets some maintenance done.**

There. Crisis averted.  
_**Oh my god I am never letting you do damage control for me again.**_  
May I remind you that if you hadn’t let me do damage control whenever shit went to hell, you wouldn’t be alive right now? Of which I find myself suddenly regretful, but whatever. How the hell did you hijack my account?  
_**Eh. Just stole some leftover space in between the lines and self-inserted. No biggie.**_  
You little shit.  
_**Language. That’s no way to talk to your innocent little sister.**_  
Innocent my ass. Ugh. Just. Go away so I can get back to my job.  
_**How is this a job?**_  
It’s a self-imposed one. You wouldn’t know.  
_**That’s stupid. Anyway, why bother? No one’s going to read this.**_  
Uh, yeah they will! I am a great writer. Besides. It’s fun.  
_**You’re spying on other universes without consent and tattling to complete strangers on the Internet.**_  
Well . . . It’s not totally irrelevant to them. They have a right to know and stuff.  
_**Not the point here. You do realize what you’re doing is kinda creepy, right?**_  
Get out of my story, you waste of space.  
_**Are you gonna start with the trolls? I want to know about the trolls.**_  
They’ll get their screen time. But I've just decided I’m not going to introduce them until the second disc.  
_**WHY NOT?**_  
‘Cause you wanted them. So there.  
_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY**_  
Drama queen. Look, I’ve answered your questions. Now go sharpen your ax or something.  
_**I don’t have an ax anymore, genius!**_  
Then go sharpen an imaginary one, I don’t care! I need to let that Client stop searching already.  
_**Fine. But I’m coming back to check on this again.**_  
Yeah, yeah. Shoo.

. . . Is she gone?

Thank god. Now, where were we?

**== > Client: Find those damn CDs already.**

About time.

You find the CD pack buried in the hidden pile of junk beneath your bed. You have no idea how they got there, but you couldn't care less about this particular mystery. Emitting a small noise of triumph, you fall into your chair and drag yourself back to your desk. At last.

You think you’ll start with the first album.

**== > Insert VOL. 1: HEIRS TRANSPARENT**

**== > Press: Play**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course the special-edition CD pack mentioned above does not exist (although I do believe multicolored Homestuck leggings are reasonably popular on the online store).  
> I thought I could finish this part before the end of January. I was wrong. High school’s such a bitch.


End file.
